Sadness is my Boyfriend

The first week of summer, I was painting a wall in Sammy Morris by myself. It was early still; the sun sat low above the fields outside and the blades of the windmills were casting slow-sweeping shadows across the dorm wall. One of those mystical times that only seem to happen in the earliest and latest hours, or in the overlap of both. I remember having made a playlist the night before and I had just started it. As the notes of the first song began, I felt this crushing feeling of something - sorrow, maybe, but with no particular referent - and I sat on the bed, almost in tears, music still playing.

 I watched the sun rise and started to piece together the reasons for what I was feeling. Part if it was that I had just ended a long relationship, and even though it was mutual the feeling of loss was still flavoring my thoughts and attitudes. My best friend had just moved to LA. That sucks.  I had just finished college. Graduation was supposed to be this huge event that sent us rocketing into the world with a fistful of knowledge and a truckload of zeal, but it really just felt like the opening ceremonies for a long string of goodbyes. Pretty anticlimactic. I didn't get enough time with anyone at Taylor and there I was, leaving. And a week later, here I was, painting. 

Ok, I guess the inexplicable sadness made sense. After I finished my little existential crisis playlist, I wrote the songs down so that I could listen to them later in the summer and remind myself that sorrow is fleeting. And so it is. I've gotten to spend wonderful time with my best friends. I've got a job lined up that I'm unbelievably excited about. My family loves me. God is good, people.

It's good to feel sad sometimes. Humans were designed to feel a very broad range of emotions and it does damage when we deny the "bad" ones to the exclusion of the good. But even though I felt like a was in a dark hole the first time that I heard this list, now when I crank up the first song (and imagine the sun rising)I feel hopeful. This too shall pass - no matter what "this" is - right?

Intro - M83

Pretty Boy - Young Galaxy

Anne with an E- Pains of Being Pure at Heart

Step - Vampire Weekend 

Hood - Perfume Genius
Five Seconds - Twin Shadow

Jesus Christ- Brand New

Get Better - Mates of State

The Transfiguration - Sufjan Stevens 

Runaway  - The National

Half Light II (No Celebration) - Arcade Fire

(google the title of this post if you're confused...sorry boys)